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Archive for the ‘Thanksgiving’ Category

I’m a dad!

Hey everybody! I have not written in quite some time! AND… My Abba let me become a dad on August 30, 2013! His name is Josiah Daniel. My our generous Lord grow him into a man after God’s own heart!

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Back to my normal "I got nuthin’" mental and emotional state. Blame it on being tired or the grey day (Thanking God for the rain and the shade!!). Or blame it on having to order the execution of a cottonmouth today. That kind of drained me. I realize we can’t let poisonous snakes roam the RV park, but I hate seeing things get killed. I probably should’ve walked away when the guys were dealing with it, but I don’t think it would’ve mattered. It was the right deceision, but nonetheless, it was a beautiful creation from God’s hand and I hope it doesn’t happen again (and I’m thankful I saw it and didn’t hit it with a mower or step on it – Thanks God for once again guarding me with such amazing regularity and precision).

Speaking of injury, I cut my right index finger yesterday, either on a rusty grate or a rusty saw trying to get at a broken chain that is supposed to hold the two grates together. It bled alot for such a small, small injury. I mean alot! Thankfully, I had a tetnus shot in 2008.

Category: Thankful God sees – Had a brief discussion with my boss about the condition of grass on the property. We are experienceing the same problems we had two years ago with chinch bugs. But my boss won’t treat nor pretreat because the insecticide that works is expensive. Really expensive. So, grass is going to die. Each time an area goes brown, he is going to be convinced it is a water problem, I’ll have to work the irrigation system, and so on, and so on. My boss’ bosses have set him up to fail because they won’t provide for us, while at the same time, they buy stuff for themselves and hire another manager instead of a worker. God sees. I hope God will give my boss the insight to know that and be encouraged that these problems are caused by his bosses and not himself.

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Thanking God for three days of peaceful existence. God has been super-abundantly graceful to me in a way that I can feel in a very conscious way. I can’t explain the feeling and I would like it to stay this way forever. But I am thankful for every second he lets me feel this way.

Monday was the first day of my fifth year at work. That means four years of wasteland for me and still no end in sight. I’d like to say I’m not a loser, but I can draw no other conclusion. I work at a "ministry" that intentionally spends money on possesions that "moth and rust destroy and theives break in and steal" and doing tasks which don’t matter for eternity and, as a matter of fact, are exactly contrary to what matters – "grass whithers and flowers fade, but the Word of God will last forever."

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My second day at work: Fine. Hot, but not too bad. Felt good. Took a power nap at lunch. It is raining right now (9:48 pm eastern). Put over $50 worth of gas in my 4-door tan sedan today. Ouch.

Category: Thank you God! – Got two picture messages today from our friends on their vacation. Both were of Chick-fil-a’s. Thanking God for thoughtful friends who remember the little things that make us smile. 

Category: Yeah, I think jealousy plays a role. – This morning, watched one of our veepees go into work carrying a Bible. I really don’t know what he does all day. I don’t know what his predecessor did either (who, incidently is now in a higher executive position). While I probably do have a valid point regarding the top-heavy organizational structure (I have five bosses, not including the people who are not my boss but think they are) and poor management philosophies (not to mention just plain ol’ poor managers), I think I was envious this morning that that guys gets to sit around and read as part of his job.

Category: "Do you want my honest opinion?" – A situation occured today that is symbolic of the poor management decision process and the poor working conditions me and my teammates deal with everyday. They decided to replace dead sod with new sod. We used a backhoe, a skid-steer and shovels. It took all day just to get the dead stuff out. I was asked my opinion. I liked the idea of taking the dead stuff completly out, but I suggested we go buy a sod cutter. Not gonna happen. But at least I gave my opinion. One day, maybe it will dawn on the inside-sitting, not-helping-us-but-still-making-decions-that-affect-us managers that it is far more expensive to misuse us laborers than it is to buy us the tools we need to do the job efficiently. If I were in charge, I wouldn’t treat my people like we get treated.

Category: Veiled Horizon – As I thought about that phrase today, I still don’t know if I am looking forward at a veiled horizon that is my future hope, peace and purpose, or if I am looking backward at a veiled horizon of faded sucesses, fading dreams and a wonderful past.

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Today was my first day back at work from vacation. Not bad. Felt good most of the day. I am calling this series of posts "Veiled Horizon" because I am hopeful that my wilderness wandering is coming to an end. The wilderness being mostly my job, but there are other things where I feel I am in the wilderness. I got the term "veiled horizon" from The Fellowship of the Ring, which I am reading during lunch. I am in the chapter called "The Old Forest." They are in a forest and can’t see where they are going, etc., because of all the obstacles in front, behind, above and below. “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. The wild animals honor me, the jackals and the owls, because I provide water in the desert and streams in the wasteland,
to give drink to my people, my chosen, the people I formed for myself that they may proclaim my praise. (Isaiah 43:18-21)

Category: Why does it bother me, other than jealosy and bitterness? – On the breakroom wall, I found a note from and inside manager regarding our workload for this coming Friday. We are helping someone move. The name was vague, but because of the first name, I immediately thought it was another inside manager we are helping move. I don’t know for sure who it is and I’m not going to ask. I think it bothers me because when my teammates and I need help, we don’t get it, but when the inside managers need help, we have to drop everything and help them, even on personal projects like the one on Friday. It is not right, but God wants me to be a servant. I just wish my heart and mind were how God wants them to be instead of set on the flesh.

Category: Why do I still cuss? – I swore again today. I was mowing with the x-mark and got caught on a branch. I should of been thankful that God rescued me from my foolish decision, but instead I swore when I got free. Funny thing, though: I wasn’t really mad. I just reacted and then it was over.

Category: God, I wish I felt thankful. – I was eating my peanut butter sandwich for lunch and I looked at it and said to myself: "God, I’d like to feel thankful." On the other hand, I feel very, very, very grateful for the safety God has granted at work (and my commute).

Category: Thank you, God! – On the way to work, I was begging God to let me cut grass today and when I got to the garage, on the whiteboard was written "cut grass" next to my name.

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Just Grateful

That’s all. Just grateful.

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Things have finally quieted down here. I wrote a few notes in my journal, read from Luke 12:35-48 and began reading some old Thanksgiving proclaimations. The following, from the Continental Congress, November 1, 1777, national Thanksgiving Day Proclamation, as printed in the Journals of Congress, stood out: "…that with one heart and one voice the good people may express the grateful feelings of their hearts, and consecrate themselves to the service of their divine benefactor; and that together with their sincere acknowledgments and offerings, they may join the penitent confession of their manifold sins, whereby they had forfeited every favor, and their humble and earnest supplication that it may please God, through the merits of Jesus Christ, mercifully to forgive and blot them out of remembrance;"

What I wrote in my journal tonight was about a growing lack of feeling thankful. I know we are supposed to be thankful in spite of feelings, but I would like those feelings back. I am sick of the way my life is. I do recognize things to be thankful for, but I lack humility and I am not sure my acknowlegements and offerings are sincere. My supplications are not sincere and I don’t see a pentitent person in the mirror.

I have allowed the worries of the world to choke me out. I’ve got emptiness where there should be gratitude.

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