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Archive for the ‘Surrender’ Category

In 2nd Samuel 15, King David is fleeing from his son, Absalom. David instructs the priest to keep the ark of the covenant in Jerusalem. Then the king said to Zadok, “Take the ark of God back into the city. If I find favor in the LORD’s eyes, he will bring me back and let me see it and his dwelling place again. But if he says, ‘I am not pleased with you,’ then I am ready; let him do to me whatever seems good to him.”

I chuckled during the sermon when the pastor said, “No matter how bad things are, you can always make them worse.” I can say I have sabotaged myself on more than one occasion! I wonder how tempted David was to take the ark for his own protection? He certainly could have rationalized his decision to bring it with the group so he and they would have a visual reminder of God’s presence and provision. But he put God’s city first. David was willing to accept even the possibility of painful discipline. He was READY to accept that possibility. I’m not there right now.

I’ve been angry alot. Sometimes on the inside, sometimes on the outside. I’ve told God I’m sick of my life. I’ve asked God to do something with me. But, ultimately, my decision have led me here. My laziness and excuses have led me here. I am frustrated, hurt, horrified, terrified. I don’t want anymore pain. I don’t want God’s discipline. I don’t want him to do whatever seems good to him. The painful criticisms and constant contradictions from others has overwhelmed me. I am fully defensive, to the point of not being willing to be corrected and taught by God.

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