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Archive for November, 2010

No matter what I think about the people or organization I work for, no matter how ridiculous a task, no matter how much goes wrong because managers won’t listen or lead, is it not a fact that my misery and my wasted years are a result of my still being out of the will of God? My laziness, my fears, my disobedience. Are not those the things that are the real problem?

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The Games Have Officially Begun

Work was fun today. WA had a staff meeting about what we haven’t done for them. By the way, WA is a "volunteer" organization that says it exists to serve WBT (the people I work for). Later on this morning, we got in trouble because we took a break before we swept up a sidewalk. A few moments later I got in trouble for following the same manager-approved proceedure that I have been following the last three years. Why did I get in trouble? Because I did not seek WA approval for following the same WBT proceedure I had been following the last three years. So, I had a conversation with my boss about the realities of WA and WBT that he still does not wish to acknowledge – that WBT cowers beneath WA’s manipulation. In my case, even though WBT pays me, it is clear by deeds that I and my crew work for WA and that I and my crew and my four managers exist to make WA happy.

What is sad is that last week, while I was on jury duty and away from work, I was treated so much better by people who don’t follow Jesus and I was so much happier being away from work. I am sad to tell people I work for a Christian organization because I get treated better by the world than by Christians at work.

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While on jury duty today (11/12/2010), out of the blue my heart started to pound rapidly and forcefully. I wanted to puke. I couldn’t move my head without wanting to puke. I was shaking. I had to ask for a break. When we got moved into the jury break room, my heart began to slow down and the shaking slowed. If only they could have given us an extended break like they had on other days. My stomach is still iffy even now.

I don’t know if the problem was because of the migraine or because of the migraine medicine. I don’t know if it was because I was tired. I don’t know if it was because I took the migraine medicine during lunch with a Vitamin Water and a 5-hour energy (Which is normal practice during my normal work day). I took a migraine pill one other day this week (although I’m not sure if I took it with a Vitamin Water and/or a 5-hour energy) but it didn’t affect me like this.

I felt embarrassed, humiliated, frustrated, irritated, sad. I wanted to continue, but I have been officially excused. I want so bad to go back. I was learning alot and things were starting to get good. Just today, I realized how much I enjoyed going to the courthouse everyday and not going to work (the snowbirds are flocking in, and the ugliness has already begun). But I was enjoying it for other reasons as well.

It is eight hours later and I am still sad. Kind of like a punch in the gut (which may explain why my stomach still has not gotten back to normal, even though other symptoms are gone).

This event may take me a little longer to get over.

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How Marvelous, How Wonderful

I stand amazed in the presence
Of Jesus the Nazarene,
And wonder how He could love me,
A sinner, condemned, unclean.

Chorus:
O how marvelous! O how wonderful!
And my song shall ever be:
O how marvelous! O how wonderful!
Is my Savior’s love for me!

He took my sins and my sorrows,
He made them His very own;
He bore the burden to Calvary,
And suffered and died alone.

When with the ransomed in glory
His face I at last shall see,
’Twill be my joy through the ages
To sing of His love for me.

Words: Charles H. Gabriel (1856-1932)

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He took my sins and my sorrows,
He made them His very own;
He bore the burden to Calvary,
And suffered and died alone.

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