Archive for May, 2008

C-Day plus 156


I don’t know how you did it.

I don’t know how you do it.

I don’t know why you did it.

I don’t know why you do it.

If I were you, I’d just give up. Just get yourself a dog who will just love you just because. We’re too self-absorbed to love you just because. A dog would love you much better than we do.

"Fall on your knees. Oh, hear the angel voices. Oh, night, divine. Oh, night, when Christ was born. Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we. His power and glory ever more proclaim!"

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C-Day plus 153

I find myself listening to Christmas music again to quiet my soul. I am restless. I don’t know if this three day weekend was the most wasted three day weekend ever of my life, but it is in the discussion. It is no one’s fault. I just did not make the effort to plan anything and so plans were made for me. I’m still too morally weak and embarrassed to simply say I want to invest time to read and write and just piddle around doing what I want when I want. So, I meditate on the celebration of the Messiah’s birthday and ask God to bring peace to his crazy, struggling adopted son.

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Church tomorrow

It is 10:30 pm on a Saturday night. I am finally relaxed and peaceful. Not from Bible reading, but played two games of solitare. Need to go to bed since I can’t keep my eyes open and focused enough to type this without having a typo every third word! Getting up early tomorrow because I am on the set-up crew for church.

I would be happy not going to church. Any church. Sad. Today, I slept in (have been sick since the 7th, even missed one day of work). I went to look at a potential condo purchase, played games, ate, watched tv, moved stuff around looking for pictures, did laundry. Didn’t read Bible or books. Didn’t journal, or call or write people. Didn’t share Christ with anyone. I’m too involved with stuff and self to matter much in the Kingdom. Last Friday I helped distribute food to some folks and that was the first time in a long time I did anything that really mattered.

With a few changes, I could be living a rockin’ Kingdom life. I just don’t make it intentional. That is all I really need to do – change my thinking. Intentional thinking.

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C-Day plus 139

Listening to Christmas music right now. "O Holy Night," just finished and "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel" is on now. Ironically, I just sat down because at 9:10 pm, I was tossing around what to do next – read or play. Couldn’t decide so I decided to write and get my brain aligned again. Man I love the peace of Christmas. "Silent Night" just started. It is silent outside and my insides are beginning to quiet down.

I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me. I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me (Psalm 3:5).

I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety (Psalm 4:8).

"What Child is This?" just started. Oh, the depth of that question! Oh, the depth of God’s love!

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Anyone got an opinion?

"That’s not practical."

Can anyone tell me anything about Jesus that is practical?

Can anyone tell me anything about God’s Kingdom and God’s ways that are practical?

Are we really desperate for God? Am I really desperate for God? Is his very word, spoken to me, my daily bread? Is his holy presence, living in me, the air I breathe?

If Jesus, being who he was, invested so much time alone with his Father, why do I not do the same with my heavenly Father (or even my earthly father for that matter!)? I’ll tell you why. I’m not desperate for God. And I take him for granted, believing he will be patient and I will be unaffected by my busy-ness with things that JUST DON"T MATTER!

God, your adopted son is a fool.

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