The 18th of December. 10:06 PM. Seven days ’till Christmas and I still haven’t invested time slowing down and thinking. I had the opportunity tonight. I’ve had over four hours of alone time. My brain is tired, my emotions drained and my will crushed by loss of perspective. I work, come home, crash and start over the next day. Were I in Bethlehem 2000 or so years ago, I would have just been a number on a census, going through my days oblivious to anything special going on.
I don’t shop anymore, nor do I even send out cards. I wouldn’t have a Christmas tree or decorations if I wasn’t married. It is nothing spiritual, I’m just worn out and merely existing. PFR asks, "Do you feel like you wake up every day to watch your life slide right by? Is it slipping away? Does the question call to your mind, ‘Are you just doing time? Could there be a better way?’" Although God has given me a new spirit of power and self-discipline, my feelings run the show. I love the Christmas season, though. I used to be so involved with Christmas. I was the Christmas card master sender outer! Did Christmas programs and went to parties. I’ve slowed down alot, but one thing has not changed — I still don’t intentionally invest time with the Christmas story.
So, I go to bed knowing that I could have done more tonight. I will sleep soundly because manual labor has given me the gift of quick, deep sleep. I will think about Christmas as I work tomorrow. But I sense another Christmas will go by with the marks of mediocrity etched in my memory.
merry christmas jim. i pray that the God who created christmas (by sending his son!) would refresh you and give you great joy, hope and peace at this time!
I wish I had the boring, miserable experience of doing well in school and getting a scholarship to a nice college. I wish I had the boring, miserable expereince of growing up