Archive for June, 2007

Write. Just write.

I recently had a long journaling session during which I wrote as many reasons I could think of why I can trust God with my job lay-off and during this challenging time of job seeking. Although I am financially secure for another six weeks, I still have huge difficulties relaxing so I can read and write. And I realized today that there have been plenty of opportunites to get away from the noise of life but I just did not plan at all to do that. So, I am writing at 12:15 am because I am wide awake having napped earlier today. Its tough to read when your eyes won’t stay open and you drop your book when your body does that jerky thing it does as you are dozing off.
I still find that I am mentally and emotionally immature. Sometimes I feel like I am 18 because I still battle some of the same problems. I understand God has increased my courage to rest and has greatly increased my ability to realize much sooner when I am walking into an emotional/mental trap. However, I still have a long, long, long way to go and I have huge regrets about time I have lost due to my immaturity. I am the vine-covered broken wall that Scripture speaks of.

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Dear child, I see you everyday. You don’t know me, but I see you everyday. I don’t know you, but I see you everyday. You have a God who knows you, He sees you everyday. One day, I hope you’ll know him, too. And seek him. Everyday.

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My own

My son;
My child;
My own;
I adopted you,
Set you apart,
Paid a high price:
My Son;
My Child;
My Own.

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Dark and gloomy were my days, Absent – the knowledge of God’s ways. I existed, distant and weary, Never knowing God was near me. I was broken, bitter – a stubborn beast, My heart believing he loved me least. I wish, now, I had read your letter, The knowledge to know – you were making me better.

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